Monday, December 26, 2005

INSPIRATION

This is a bit long, but please take the time to read it. It's quite inspirational!!!

By Alfred Yuson

The Philippine Star 05/16/2004

Patricia Evangelista, a 19-year- old, Mass Communications sophomore of University of the Philippines (UP)-Diliman, did the country proud Friday night by besting 59 other student contestants from 37 countries in the 2004 International Public Speaking competition conducted by the English Speaking Union (ESU) in London.

She triumphed over a field of exactly 60 speakers from all over the English-speaking world, including the United States, United Kingdom and Australia, reported Maranan.

The board of judges' decision was unanimous, according to contest chairman Brian Hanharan of the British broadcasting Corp. (BBC).

PATRICIA'S SHORT SPEECH WORTH READING....

BLONDE AND BLUE EYES
When I was little, I wanted what many Filipino children all over the country wanted. I wanted to be blond, blue-eyed, and white. I thought -- if I just wished hard enough and was good enough, I'd wake upon Christmas morning with snow outside my window and freckles across my nose!
More than four centuries under western domination does that to you. I have sixteen cousins. In a couple of years, there will just be five of us left in the Philippines, the rest will have gone abroad in search of "greener pastures." It's not just an anomaly; it's a trend; the Filipino diaspora. Today, about eight million Filipinos are scattered around the world.
There are those who disapprove of Filipinos who choose to leave. I used to. Maybe this is a natural reaction of someone who was left behind, smiling for family pictures that get emptier with each succeeding year. Desertion, I called it. My country is a land that has perpetually fought for the freedom to be itself. Our heroes offered their lives in the struggle against the Spanish, the Japanese, the Americans. To pack up and deny that identity is tantamount to spitting on that sacrifice.
Or is it? I don't think so, not anymore. True, there is no denying this phenomenon, aided by the fact that what was once the other side of the world is now a twelve-hour plane ride away. But this is a borderless world, where no individual can claim to be purely from where he is now. My mother is of Chinese descent, my father is a quarter Spanish, and I call myself a pure Filipino-a hybrid of sorts resulting from a combination of cultures.
Each square mile anywhere in the world is made up of people of different ethnicities, with national identities and individual personalities. Because of this, each square mile is already a microcosm of the world. In as much as this blessed spot that is England is the world, so is my neighborhood back home.
Seen this way, the Filipino Diaspora, or any sort of dispersal of populations, is not as ominous as so many claim. It must be understood. I come from a Third World country, one that is still trying mightily to get back on its feet after many years of dictatorship. But we shall make it, given more time. Especially now, when we have thousands of eager young minds who graduate from college every year. They have skills. They need jobs. We cannot absorb them all.
A borderless world presents a bigger opportunity, yet one that is not so much abandonment but an extension of identity. Even as we take, we give back. We are the 40,000 skilled nurses who support the UK's National Health Service. We are the quarter-of-a-million seafarers manning most of the world's commercial ships. We are your software engineers in Ireland, your construction workers in the Middle East, your doctors and caregivers in North America, and, your musical artists in London's West End.
Nationalism isn't bound by time or place. People from other nations migrate to create new nations, yet still remain essentially who they are. British society is itself an example of a multi-cultural nation, a melting pot of races, religions, arts and cultures. We are, indeed, in a borderless world!
Leaving sometimes isn't a matter of choice. It's coming back that is. The Hobbits of the Shire travelled all over Middle-Earth, but they chose to come home, richer in every sense of the word. We call people like these balikbayans or the 'returnees' -- those who followed their dream, yet choose to return and share their mature talents and good fortune.
In a few years, I may take advantage of whatever opportunities come my way. But I will come home. A borderless world doesn't preclude the idea of a home. I'm a Filipino, and I'll always be one. It isn't about just geography; it isn't about boundaries. It's about giving back to the country that shaped me.
And that's going to be more important to me than seeing snow outside my windows on a bright Christmas morning.
Mabuhay and Thank you.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Home Sweet Home

Finally arrived from the long 6 hour drive...Wasn't too bad of drive however...Didn't get sleepy this time around. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to leave today because it has been storming like crazy in the Bay Area. REAL STORMS my Southern California friends...If you've never been to the Bay Area when it storms then you haven't really experienced a storm. And when it rains, it rains for DAYS, unlike here in So. Cal were it rains for 5 minutes and we say "Damn, that freaking storm!!!"

Driving into the city of Rosemead was a bit weird to me...I haven't been home in several months, which is probably the longest I've been away from my family. I am really looking forward to spending time with my family...I think I'm going to realize this time around how special CHRISTmas is going to be...Damn...I think I am getting OLD!!! Getting all sentimental and crap!!! DAMN...haha...Anyway...Like I was saying...I have a feeling that this CHRISTmas is going to be really special. More specifically, I think it's going to be special for my Mom and Dad. All of their kids have left their house and are off doing their own grown-up things. Both of my sisters are now married and I'm up in the Bay Area for school. I sometimes wonder what my parents feel when they are at home. Happy? Being able to BE together...or SAD? Away from their children. And you know what...I don't think I'll ever know the truth. My family is not really big on expressing how we feel about each other. Pretty unfortunate. Unfortunate, at least for me because I find myself telling my friends that I miss and love them all the time. Isn't there something wrong with this picture? I pray that one day I'll be able to express to my family how much I love and miss them!!! Anyway...We'll all be together on CHRISTmas!!!

I am also excited to meet up with old HOMIES and catch up on things. It's been awhile since I've last kicked it with the Fellaz!!! I am going to try my best to enjoy every single moment!!! Everyone is starting to do their own thing...I wonder sometimes how it will be when I finish school and begin my career. Will I still keep in touch with friends? Will I lose friendships? Will I gain new ones that will be as special as the old ones? Who knows!!!

Anyway...Picked up my Winter vacation reading material...A Million Little Pieces by James Frey...This book has been getting really good reviews...I'll let you all know how it is!

Till then...

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

YES!!!

The day has finally come...FINALS are OVER!!! It has been a very long and difficult semester, but I got through it and now it's time for me to RELAX!!! No work, no school, no stress (hopefully), and NO MORE STUDYING!!!!!!!! I really can't emphasize that enough...Seriously, the brain can only hold so much information and when you reach that point, NUMBNESS!!! Last night when I was studying for my last final, I got to the point where I was studying for over an hour and retained NOTHING!!! One whole hour and I couldn't remember what I was studying!!! Anyway...

Approximately one year from now I will be taking my board exam to become an offical MALE NURSE...that's right...I am going to become (God willing), GREG FOCKER!!! haha... This program, like I've said before, is challenging, but dang...it is going pretty darn FAST...I've already completed 2 semesters and going on to finish my first year of nursing school...Still trying to get over the fact that I got accepted to such an awesome school...USF...

Before the Thanksgiving weekend, Dee and I had the opportunity to meet with Father Ricio (sp?) for the first time to begin our FAITH SHARING group! It was an awesome experience...Just me, Dee and Father. We each had the opportunity to share where we were at in our faith and for some reason I began to talk about how God provided me the opportunity to attend a Jesuit University. I've attended public school my entire life...I explained to them that attending the Jesuit University didn't feel anymore different than attending UCI or IVC (2 very great public schools) and that I still haven't figured out why God planned for me to be here. I'm still questioning and searching??? Dee sat down with me one day and explained to me how much USF has been such a wonderful gift to her...let me elaborate, according to Dee...

there is a beautiful church that you could go to anytime you want and pray in silence, the long history of USF, having a crucifix in every classroom, hearing the church bells ring every noon time and at 6pm, seeing Brothers, Fathers, and Sisters consistently on campus...and the list goes on...

Do I not see? Do I not hear? Am I seriously that BLIND and DEAF?

Don't get me wrong...I occassionaly go into the church and pray silently, I've heard people talk about the history and I've heard the bells ring throughout the day...UNFORTUNATELY, as Dee has stated it...I have not taken the time to APPRECIATE and REFLECT on these wonderful creations of GOD!!! I think that is what makes the difference...I think a lot of us know that God continually provides and presents us with His awesome creations and graces, BUT we simply ignore or forget to APPRECIATE them. We need to SLOW DOWN...take the time to pray, take the time to praise, and take the time to GIVE THANKS!!!

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.

"IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES"

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Almost Done Pt. II

It's now down to the last couple of days before finals begin. I start this Saturday at 8:00 AM. I have never had a Saturday final in my life. It's a bit weird! Anyway...have to focus on one subject, one exam at a time...

I don't know about anyone else, but I really like being in school. Education is truly a gift and I don't think I could ever stop learning! When I was still working in Irvine, I really felt "uneducated". I did learn a few things here and there, but after a while, things became repetitive and ended up becoming a complete BORE!!! Being in school and having the opportunity to have an education is thought provoking and it really tests your ability to learn and willingness to learn. Maybe it's the field that I'm in...Honestly, there's so much to the nursing field...I'm just intrigued at the amount of knowledge seasoned nurses have. I pray that one day, in God's will, I will have the knowledge to provide the culturally congruent care that clients need and want!!!

Monday, December 05, 2005

...INVITATION...

"Don't FORCE the Lord into your life, rather INVITE Him into your life during this Advent Season"

I've been having a difficult time lately keeping the faith and living the life that He has called me to carry out. I continuously choose NOT to follow His ways. It has come to the point where I feel so distant and the feeling of warmth, comfort and peace is nowhere to be found. Yes there are times when I get the "feelings" of true happiness, yet are very inconsistent. What am I expecting and searching for? I guess I'm still at the level of my faith where I am seeking to find the "feelings" I used to experience in the "HOME" that embedded the seed of faith, love and hope. Unfortunately, those aren't the feelings of FAITH, LOVE, and HOPE...Living the FAITH is a lifelong journey of struggles and battles, LOVE is not a feeling, but an ACTION, a LIFESTYLE, and a CHOICE, and HOPE...the desire for FULFILLMENT of His LOVE and PEACE. All of these things are what we as Catholic Christians strive for and struggle with every single day of our lives. For some, conquering the battles and meeting the next is like clock-work, however, there are those who seem to be fighting the same battle over and over again and the progression to the next level is at a halt. That's where I'm at.

I understand that God continues to present opportunities for me to serve Him. I think one of my weaknesses is trying to control the "game" and the emotions that serve as the measurement of accomplishment and victory. I believe I am seeking and FORCING to find something that He does not want of me. I need to have a change in mentation, attitude and lifestyle, so that I could INVITE Him openly and willingly.

This past Sunday, Father said "What is the one thing that you will give back to the Lord this Advent season?" The answer is quite obvious, right? But, how many people LISTENED and HEARD the true meaning of what Father said and how many are acutally going to follow through? One...Two...Maybe three...I pray that I am one of those three!!! I desire to INVITE Him into my life, NOT just for this Advent season, but each and every day that He continues to GIVE us.

AMEN!

Thursday, November 17, 2005

time to visit the OC

Today was quite an interesting day...

I started out the morning going to the hospital to pick my client that I would take care of tomorrow (Friday)...I wasn't sure who to pick so I asked the charge nurse who I should pick and right when I finished asking, I hear a patient yelling..."HELP...HELP...GET OUT...HELP...DON'T TOUCH ME!!!" then the nurse turns to me and says..."HIM"...I find out later that this particular client was thrown out of his nursing home for being combative and unwilling to comply with the nursing home protocols. The doctors and social workers asked the nursing home to reconsider and they REJECTED!!! wow...so...how will it be tomorrow...your guess is just as good as mine...maybe a fight??? Oh yea, the client is also under psychotic drugs...GOOD ONE DAV...good selection...

Second thing...

I get to campus and I realized that the other section of my Assessment class had their "Health Fair" today where they would teach the class a thing or two on a particular subject...So what's so interesting about that...My prof said that the more PROVACATIVE the better...NOT such a good ideal for grad students...haha...my classmates' topic was..."COLORECTAL EXAMINATIONS" haha...so they went to a sex store and bought an inflatable women to be the "MODEL" for a colorectal examination...wow...is all i have to say...I'll take a picture of my project and i'll post it up so you could see my creativity...hahahaha...by next TUES it should be up...stay posted...

ANYWAY...In less than one day I'll be on a plane heading to so. CALI for an awesome night of PRAISE & WORSHIP!!! It's going to be nice being with the family that introduced me to HIS most awesome LOVE and GRACES...There's nothing like being with brothers and sisters who are so willing to sacrifice everything to be in HIS presence...

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

PEE problem anyone???

Today was a pretty stressful yet exciting day. I spent about 3 hours today going over the material to pass my URINARY CATHETERIZATION check off. I am now authorized to insert and remove FOLEY CATHETERS my friends. That includes both men and females…oh yea!!! That’s right!!! So if you all have any problems going PEE call me up and I’ll hook you up…For those of you unfamiliar to foley catheters…think of an 18 inch long tube with the width of a regular sized pen being inserted into your “URETHRAL MEATUS”. Hahaha…in other words, your small little hole…hahaha…Honestly, I didn't think that was possible...but you know what IT IS...CRAZY...I hope I have the opportunity to practice this on Friday during my clinical. Seriously, I’m not a freak…I just really get excited performing REAL nursing procedures…

Alright down to serious matters…

If you had a problem going PEE and I was the only one able to insert a FOLEY, would you let me??? Come on…think about this one really hard??? IF I had no choice, I’d let you fools do it to me…hahaha!!!

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Almost Done

In exactly one month I'll be done with this semester and I'll be on my way home to Rosemead and Irvine. I really miss being with my family, eating out at our favorite Chinese and Japanese restaurants, hanging out, and just being together as a family. It's been a while since I last saw my family, but I try not let it get me down. I try my best to call my sisters and parents everyday. So that actually keeps me up to date on what's going down. I am so thankful to God for their support. They never stop asking how I'm doing and continue to encourage me to do the best that I can. I love you all!!!

I also miss the LOG family...Those were good times. Hanging out late (12 midnight for me and dee, remember, we did work, that was late for us...haha), eating out, playing poker, jammin' with the band, being stupid, just being in each other's presence. Can't wait to see all of you guys in December. We all need to hang out. I think about you guys all the time...Oh yeah...I'm really proud of you all. I hear that LOG is growing and becoming what God wants it to be through your hard work and dedication. Wish I could be there to see it happening. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. Continue serving and continue praying!!!

LOG...Remember to keep Him in your focus, especially in preparation for BC...

Oh yeah...random thought...I bought new windshield blades for my car the other day from good old Target, but don't have a clue how to take the old ones off. I seriously pulled out the Honda owner's manual in the Target parking lot to see how I could take off the older ones, but got even more confused reading it. HELP!!! It actually rains up here so I better change them really soon. How could I not know how to replace windshield wipers...UGHHH!!!

Monday, November 07, 2005

WHAT A RACE!!!

So, I never thought that registering for classes would be as crazy as buying a pair of exclusive dunk sbs. Seriously, when they say your window opens at 9 am, they MEAN 9 am. I bet you people kept refreshing their windows in hopes of being the first one to register (I DID) haha...So what's the big fuss about registering first...Registering FIRST = BEST CLINICAL site. That's all people care about.

My top choices for next semester were: Kaiser SF, UCSF Medical Center, and Stanford hospital. Didn't get my first choice, Kaiser, but was able to get UCSF. Pretty excited. It's going to be a 12 hour shift so hopefully I could hang. I'm just really glad that I'm going to be ending my Skilled Nursing Facility rotation and be able to move on to my MED-SURG rotation. Basically, I don't have to wipe too many butts anymore (HOPEFULLY). I get to see some really gruesome and crazy wounds and diseases. YEA...that's what's it's all 'bout!!!

So check this out...Last Thursday I had my Pharmacology exam and before the exam starts one of my classmates runs in and yells to the entire room that he got shitted on by one of his clients. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Supposedly, his client was on the BSC (Bedside commode) and was getting up, and almost fell. So my classmate went to help and in the PROCESS got crap on his scrubs (lower leg, right in the front, right next to the ankle region, you could see the brown, seriously, wow...haha, wow!!!)

Anyway...courtesy of Kaylene B...Thanks for looking out girl!!!



One more exam today...Please pray for me!!!

Sunday, November 06, 2005

IT SMELLS LIKE...

So the other day, I was in the library and decided to reserve a room so that I could study in a quiet area for a couple of hours. When I got to the room there were like 6 people in the room that I reserved. So I knocked on the door and gave them a couple of minutes to get out. Okay…long story short…When I got in the room guess what it smelled like??? DUDE…I thought I was in the FISH MARKET…seriously…I bet you anything that every single one of those people that stepped out of the room had to have smelled like FISH…I’m not trying to be mean…but seriously, it smelled like fish. And you know what…I bet you that after spending two hours in the room, I smelled like fish too!!! DAMN!!!

Anyway…This past week has been a roller coaster. Started the week with a presentation and midterm and ended the week with another midterm and still had to work at the hospital. By the way…THANK YOU everyone for your prayers…Dee’s Lola has gotten a lot better and is now out of the CCU and is in the MED-SURG floor. So check this out...Me and Dee go to the hospital and visit her Lola when she got transferred to the MED-SURG floor. And the first thing Dee says when we get out of the elevator is “THIS PLACE STINKS, EWW, WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE PEE, EWW?” and she continues, “THAT IS WHY I WILL NEVER BECOME A NURSE, SERIOUSLY, EWW” and then she says, “DAVID, HOW THE HECK DO YOU WORK IN CONDITIONS LIKE THESE?” That’s Dee for you all…Seriously though, it’s not that bad. You get used to the smell pretty quick, haha…

Let me continue rambling…

Guess what??? On Friday, while I was at my clinical, I finally gave my FIRST Intramuscular INJECTION…That’s right baby, I’m on my way to becoming a REAL nurse…It’s so much easier doing it on a real person rather than on a foam pad that moves around every time you try and poke at it…haha…it was an awesome experience. Did I mention, that the freaking NEEDLE was 1 1/2 inches long…yeah…that was pretty crazy. But my client didn’t even flinch when I did it…I guess when you are in that much pain getting pricked for a second is negligible. So remember I could give injections now…Come to me, and let me practice some more...I promise I won't hurt you...

Oh yeah, Dee finally cleaned her room!!! You could actually walk into now…Good bye my friends!!!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

PRAYER REQUEST

Hello all...Last Friday, Dee's grandma was admitted to the hospital and is currently in the CCU. Please keep her and the rest of Dee's family in your prayers.

Thanks everyone!!! God bless you all!

Saturday, October 29, 2005

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Happy Birthday!!!

The crew

The ladies

The family

and...ya know, us! haha

HAPPY 24th BIRTHDAY
DEE HAW
I pray that God continues to bless you with His awesome Graces...LOVE YA!!!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

To help or NOT to help

The talk in my classes is: “We all need to help each other out to get through this program!” Seriously, people say this everyday. I have no problem with it. I try as much as I can to help out my classmates and I really don’t mind. BUT, today I started to think differently. Whenever my classmates call me up for help, I drop all that I’m doing (or studying, even during exam time) and spend a good amount of time explaining things to them until they understand the concepts and what not. Several times now, I’ve called them and needed some clarification and you know what? This is the answer and help that I got…Can I call you back I am trying to catch up with some other things right now? And…I don’t know if I could help you, I don’t have my papers in front of me (they are at home by the way). I want to give them the benefit of the doubt that they can’t help me at that particular moment. This really bugs the crap out of me though!!! I don’t know…I just feel like I’m getting burned at times trying to help these people when at the same time I don’t get it in return…Is it wrong for me to feel this way…

The main reason why I’m asking whether or not I’m wrong for feeling this way is because, I’ve learned through Liwanag “…to be generous. Teach me to serve you as I should: To give and not to count the cost…” “To labor and ask not for reward,”…

It just gets really hard at times. I am entering a profession that is geared to serve our brothers and sisters and I just feel that if someone needs help, someone should be there to help them. BUT…I need help myself at times and there is no one there…UGH…so hard!!!

Catching Up

Brenton: What’s going on? What’s the latest kicks you’ve purchased? Miss you bro!!!

Kirs: Yes, I am finally blogging. You need to blog yourself. Are you busy or something? I STILL DON’T BELIEVE you are busy. Work???...hmmmm haha…j/k, but not really!

Krystal: Hey you…It’s really good to hear from you…I’m trying to hang in there. Take care!!!

Charles: Hi! Gone fishing yet? Come up here and we’ll go in the freaking FOG and COLD…

Fred: Thanks for all the help bro…Really miss jamming with you!!! We need to get together sometime during the holiday break.

LOVERS ANONYMOUS: i miss and love you too???????

DEE: I PROMISE, I didn’t do anything wrong!!!!!! Hahaha…Love you!!!

Adrian: UNCLE!!! How’s life treating you in Irvine? Are the Madrona BOYZ still taking advantage of you??? Or are you taking advantage of them???

Joey Cracker: What up bro? I just recently figured out that there are TONS of fellow crackers at USF…come join!!! Haha

Noreen: How is married life treating you? I am praying for you and Mike!!! Tell him I said “What up?”

Meechy: Hey girl!!! Everytime I’m online you always have your away message on. Are you really that busy at Mesa? Oh yea, send over some of your killer cakes. I miss them!!!

Monday, October 24, 2005

UNBELIEVABLE

Man o man...These next two weeks are going to be CRAZY. It's going to be the second set of midterms and I am definitely not looking forward to these exams. There's twice the amount of material plus the material is much harder to understand.

This week is not going to be as crazy as next week, so I'm trying to get ahead of the game and finish little things here and there.

Friday 10/28: Clinicals (hospital time, hopefully with a NICE client) plus...DEE'S 24th birthday celebration part I (that means: dinner and clubbing aka not my favorite thing), but it's for DEE!!! (DANG...you are getting old..seriously!!!)

Saturday 10/29: off to Sacramento for DEE'S birthday part II (this one is with the familia and special invites...EXCLUSIVE...haha)

Sunday 10/30: ALL DAY studying for the exams...

Monday 10/31: HALLOWEEN...too bad I can't do anything (my classmates told me that the Castro District gets crazy on halloween and there's tons of cops all over the place making sure it doesn't get out of hand. WHY??? because there's tons of naked people "dressed-up" for halloween...come to the CASTRO if you want to see NAKED PEOPLE...Presentation, care plans, homework

Tuesday 11/01: Assessment II exam, homework, reading notes

Wednesday 11/02: Class all day, study

Thursday 11/03: Pharmacology exam, pre-lab

Monday 11/07: Nursing Therapeutics exam

Anyway...Please pray for me! wish i could be in the OC instead chillin' with everyone...MISS YOU ALL!!!

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Take my world, LORD

If you have the time reflect on these lyrics...It's amazing!!!

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tear
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

Jars of Clay: Worlds Apart

Just the Beginning...

Do you ever find yourself striving for something with all of your heart and in the midst of it all think about giving up...? These past five months in the Bay area has really made me think about a lot of things...my future, nursing, family, Liwanag, my faith…Before I packed my bags and left the OC I wondered how much my life would change when I got myself adjusted to the life as a Graduate student at USF. To tell you the truth, things aren’t the way I imagined them to be. This was the mindframe…

…EASY…ADJUSTABLE…FAST…

What’s the reality…HARD…STILL TRYING TO “FIND MYSELF”…and SLOW…

School and being in the hospital challenges me everyday and I think that’s what keeps me going. I like to be challenged. But to be honest (I think some of you may know this about me), when I am overly challenged, I STOP, I freak out, and I am paralyzed…wondering, what I got myself into and wanting to give up… (does that even make any sense? do you ever experience this?) I think I get SCARED of FAILING…what’s my definition of failing??? NOT BEING the BEST! I have to admit…this is my weakness...I’ve talked to Dee about this and she reminded me that “being the best” is not the right attitude to take on when I’m striving to enter a profession of SERVANTHOOD…Is trying to be the best a bad thing? I think not…But come to think about it, is it something that God wants of me? The other day, Dee told me that her spiritual director advised her to focus on taking the time to be alone and reflecting on the things that passes by as true creations of God’s work. In Genesis 1:31, “God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good.” That was really an awakening for me!!! Thank you, Dee…Since then, I’ve really been trying to focus on things in this way…Seeing clearly that all I have up here at this very moment are true gifts from God and I need to thank Him for the gifts that he has bestowed upon me.

I believe that God truly sends His spirit through our brothers and sisters to remind us to get back on the path of living a Christian life. More specifically, living out God’s plan. Thank you, LORD!!!