Just the Beginning...

Do you ever find yourself striving for something with all of your heart and in the midst of it all think about giving up...? These past five months in the Bay area has really made me think about a lot of things...my future, nursing, family, Liwanag, my faith…Before I packed my bags and left the OC I wondered how much my life would change when I got myself adjusted to the life as a Graduate student at USF. To tell you the truth, things aren’t the way I imagined them to be. This was the mindframe…

…EASY…ADJUSTABLE…FAST…

What’s the reality…HARD…STILL TRYING TO “FIND MYSELF”…and SLOW…

School and being in the hospital challenges me everyday and I think that’s what keeps me going. I like to be challenged. But to be honest (I think some of you may know this about me), when I am overly challenged, I STOP, I freak out, and I am paralyzed…wondering, what I got myself into and wanting to give up… (does that even make any sense? do you ever experience this?) I think I get SCARED of FAILING…what’s my definition of failing??? NOT BEING the BEST! I have to admit…this is my weakness...I’ve talked to Dee about this and she reminded me that “being the best” is not the right attitude to take on when I’m striving to enter a profession of SERVANTHOOD…Is trying to be the best a bad thing? I think not…But come to think about it, is it something that God wants of me? The other day, Dee told me that her spiritual director advised her to focus on taking the time to be alone and reflecting on the things that passes by as true creations of God’s work. In Genesis 1:31, “God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good.” That was really an awakening for me!!! Thank you, Dee…Since then, I’ve really been trying to focus on things in this way…Seeing clearly that all I have up here at this very moment are true gifts from God and I need to thank Him for the gifts that he has bestowed upon me.

I believe that God truly sends His spirit through our brothers and sisters to remind us to get back on the path of living a Christian life. More specifically, living out God’s plan. Thank you, LORD!!!